Tellus the guard
Tell us, the guard.
VERBAL KINT IS KAIZER SOZE
Oh jeez, I’m sorry guys, I just…I can’t help it. Ever since I was a kid, I just got the urge to spread information, to let people know what I know. Maybe I just want to feel big, maybe I just got a problem, maybe DARTH VADER IS LUKE’S FATHER oh jeeeez that’s the worst. You guys were probably going to watch that later, right? And you wanted to be surprised at the twist? Ahh ol’ Tellus went and messed it all up, I’m sorry, I can’t help it, really.
My parents said I should be like a newspaper guy or something like that, and they were probably right, but I guess I didn’t have the chops for it. Guarding was easy, they said, and it paid pretty well, so I thought I would IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG oh christ I can’t control that stuff, it’s like a tick. I just love doin’ it!
Anyways, you boys just showed up asking about Bharash’s office. Oh jeez, I should make myself scarce, seeing as I saw…OOOO Tellus shut your mouth you don’t want these adventurers knowing about the guys you COME ON Tellus what did I just say! Just play it cool. Just keep your head on your shoul-BATMAN IS BRUCE WAYNE I MEAN COME ON THAT’S OBVIOUS-oof this is going to be tough…
Oh hey there, friend? What’s that? You want to ask the guards what happened last night? Well, I don’t…I….there….regular night last night, I swear, nothing. Regular thing. Just a plain old nothing-out-of-the-ordinary night. Love those nights, you know, when you just can sit back and nobody’s gonna THE MAYANS ACTUALLY MEANT 2014 huh, that was a weird one. I wonder what I meant by…
ACK CHRIST GET YOUR AXE OFF MY NECK. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO A PERSON. ALRIGHT JEEEESUS THERE WERE SOME DUDES AND THEY PAID ME OFF. OH GOD. OH GOD. OH HOLY GOD. JUST GET YOUR NECK OFF MY AXE. WAIT. NO. OTHER WAY AROUND. I’LL TELL YOU ANYTHING. I CAN’T HELP IT.
Phew, thanks. Jeez, I’m sorry boys. And lady. Good luck finding the high priest. Sorry for aiding and abetting in a kidnapping.
ROSEBUD WAS THE SLED